


A ship of Merry Light.

by TayBartlett9000



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Christmas, Festive season, Festivities, Friendship, Gen, Humourous, Music, Party, happiness, short fic, space, space ship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:53:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21693355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TayBartlett9000/pseuds/TayBartlett9000
Summary: Lister is bored with life. He is fed up of living in deep space with nothing but a hologram, a cat and a senile computer for company.But Christmas is fast approaching and in order to stop Lister wining about his lot in life, Rimmer sets out to bring a bit of Christmas cheer  into the lives of those living on board Red Dwarf.
Kudos: 6





	A ship of Merry Light.

“Will you just cheer up Lister, for God’s sake.”

Arnold Rimmer was growing increasingly frustrated. For days now, Lister had been lying upon his bunk and moaning on and on about what he called his ‘horrible lot in life.’ For days now, Rimmer had tried his best to hold back his mounting impatience. He did after all know how Lister felt. Every day on board Red Dwarf was exactly the same. Every day spent on board this gargantuan fraitor was mundane, boring and repetitive. Lister was growing bored with life and Rimmer knew it. They had continued on working around the calinder of the planet Earth and so Lister was all too aware of precisely how much time had been spent on board this ship with no one else for company but Rimmer, Cat and a computer who had long since gone senile.

So yes, Rimmer could understand why Lister was growing so weary. But did he have to voice his unhappiness quite so much? Rimmer was dead. He had a strong feeling that being dead on board this bucket of a ship was considerably worse than living on it alive. But Lister wouldn’t listen to that particular side of the argument.

“But Rimmer,” Lister wined, his strong Liverpudlian accent making that wine so much more pronounced, “my entire life is going down the bog. What am I supposed to do on this ship when there is nothing to do. I’m just sick of it.”

“Oh shut up, Lister.”

“No,” Lister snapped, “I’m sick of it. I’m sick of you. I’m sick of Cat. I’m sick of Holly. I’m just sick of it.”

Arnold Rimmer rose from his own position on the much saught after bottom bunk below Lister’s and began to stride towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Lister demanded.

“Anywhere,” came the disgruntled reply, “I am fed up of listening to you wining.”

“But Rimmer.”

Arnold Rimmer was no longer listening. He left the dormatry and made his way onto the bridge where he knew Holly would be willing enough to have a chat with him. Even a senile old reck of a computer would be a better conversational companion than the eternally grumpy David Lister.

“Good afternoon, Arnold.” Holly’s low and soothing voice drifted towards Arnold Rimmer from the bridge as he approached. “Fancy a chat, do you?”

Rimmer sat down in front of a large screen from where Holly’s huge holographic head could be seen looking down upon him. “Not really,” he said quietly, “I’m not in the mood for a chat this afternoon.”

“Is Dave still reluctant to take any interest in life?”

Rimmer gave a single nod of his head, marvling not for the first time at how Holly seemed to be able to read minds. “Yes,” he replied, “he’s still being an antagonistic smeghead.”

Holly paused for a moment before replying. “Had you thought about planning a party?”

“A party?”

Holly’s holographic head nodded the affirmative. “Lister always loved a good party.”

“He parties every night,” Rimmer replied, “he drinks himself senseless as often as he can and spends every evening eating curries and playing terrible music. If that isn’t a party, then I don’t know what is.”

Holly shook his head. “I don’t mean that kind of party. I mean a Christmas party.”

Rimmer raised his eye brows. “A Christmas party? Is it December already?”

Holly nodded. “It is, Arnold. I know that people on board Red Dwarf were always eager to celebrate Christmas, and the Christmas before the crew were wiped out was spent in a particularly festive manner. We do have decorations down in the cargo hold. I don’t know exactly where but you would be able to find them. I’m sure that Dave would appreciate a jesture like that. What do you think?”

Arnold Rimmer thought for a moment about Holly’s idea. Now that he thought about it, He did remember the Christmases spent on board this ship before the crew were wiped out. He hadn’t taken part in the festivities. Parties bored him. He hated being surrounded by drunk people who couldn’t sing, but perhaps he would be able to stomach the idea of a Christmas party if it would cause Lister to for God’s sake cheer up.

Rimmer called upon the assistance of the skutters and began to make his way down to the cargo hold. The cargo hold covered several floors and he knew that getting hold of the ship’s disused Christmas decorations would take some time. He travelled first down one floor and then another, searching through boxes, crates and mettle storage units. It took hours before Rimmer managed to find the long buried decorations. The skutters lifted the many crates and carried them back to the lift before rising with Rimmer to the bridge.

“Holly,” Rimmer asked, “can you put on some Christmas music for me? And make sure that the git hears it too, would you? That might make him rise from his pit.

Holly nodded, searching through his extensive arkives of music in a single millisecond before finding the file named ‘Festive favourites.’ “Playing them now, Arnold,” he informed the second technition.

The music blared through the ship, played on every speaker on board as Holly turned the sound up as loud as it would go. “slay bells ring, are you listening? In the lane, snow is glistening. A beautiful sight, we’re happy tonight, walking in a winter wonderland.”

With the upmost reluctance, Arnold Rimmer too began to sing, the catchy lyricks well known to him. He sat at a table and watched the skutters working diligently to decorate the room around him. They worked quickly, if clumsily. Rimmer was often forced to seace his singing in order to shout orders at the little robots, but as he watched, the bridge began to transform into a Christmas grotto before his very eyes.

“Gone away is the bluebird, here to stay is a new bird. He sings a love song, as we go along, walking in a winter wonderland.”

Holly himself began to sing, his east London voice completely tone deaf and tuneless. “In the meddow we can build a snow man, we’ll pretend that he is Parson Brown. He’ll say, are you married, we’ll say no man, but you can do the job while you’re in town.”

“Later on,” sang Rimmer, “we’ll conspire, as we dream by the fire, to face unafraid, the plans that we made, walking in a winter wonderland.”

The music played on as the skutters continued to put up the Christmas decorations on behalf of the carefully watching hologram. Arnold Rimmer directed the skutters on where they should place the decorations and which ones should go where. The bridge was now looking increasingly more festive and even Rimmer began to smile. The Christmases of Arnold Rimmer’s childhood had been full of misery, pain and frustration due to the fact that his parents lavished every bit of attention and money on his brothers. But the festive colours had always made Rimmer smile. Besides, he was in a different place now. He was no longer a child. Perhaps even he would be able to celebrate Christmas too, even in the depths of space.

“What is going on?” asked a voice behind Rimmer.

Turning around, Arnold Rimmer almost smiled upon seeing Lister standing in the doorway. Lister didn’t look particularly happy, but Rimmer noticed that as Lister looked around the room, he was slowly becoming interested inspight of himself.

“We’re having a Christmas party,” Rimmer told him, “you, me, Holly and Cat, when he eventually appears.”

“Oh, I see.” Lister stood there for a moment as the music played on. The jolly tune of ‘Walking in a Winter wonderland’ had changed into the more somber ‘The Holly and the Ivy.’

Determined to appear as cheerful as possible, Rimmer continued to sing. “The holly and the ivy, when they are both full grown, of all the trees that are in the wood, the holly bares the crown.”

Holly joined in. “The holly bares a blossom, as white as lily flower, and Mary bore sweet Jesus Christ, to be our dear saviour.”

“Turn this off.”

Silence fell around them and as Rimmer turned on Lister, growing suddenly angry, he saw a look of disgust on Lister’s face. “What are you wining about now?” he asked in a voice of rising fury.

“I hate religious songs,” Lister told him flatly, “all this stuff about Jesus and God. Give it a rest would you? What use do we have for God in deep space? What use do we have for Christmas while we’re stuck on this ship? Give me a break.”

Rimmer had had enough. “For God’s sake, Lister, will you get a grip. It is Christmas.”

“We’re in deep space,” Lister replied, “why would we want to spend Christmas in deep space?”

Rimmer sighed. “Because Holly and I think that doing anything is better than doing nothing. You have to keep on trying to enjoy life, Lister, even if we are lost in deep space. I’m dead and I’m still trying to enjoy it. We’re having a party to celebrate Christmas and if you don’t want to join in, then that’s your choice. Just stop wining. You’re sounding like a broken record.”

The Christmas music returned, unshakeably cheerful even as Dave Lister stood there scowling. Rimmer sang now not with rising cheerfulness, but with the determination to either cheer Lister up or to remove him from the bridge. His face was becoming irritating. Rimmer continued to sing loudly and obviously, encouraging Holly to do the same.

As he sang, Rimmer kept one eye on Lister, trying to spot a change in his expression. Inspight of his continued sulkiness, Rimmer could see that his determined happiness was beginning to have an effect. It wasn’t a very big effect but it was an effect nevertheless.

The skutters had finished putting up the decorations and were now consumed entirely with the lights. They had been unable to find a Christmas tree but that didn’t matter. The bridge of the fraitor was soon illuminated with green and red lights that shimmered and twinkled around them.

Rimmer again glanced at Lister and noticed that his expression was starting to change from one of sulky unhappiness into one of grudging acceptance of the festive cheer. He wasn’t yet singing but Rimmer noticed that he was no longer looking quite so unhappy.

“Come and join us, Dave,” Holly told Lister quietly.

Lister sighed heavily and reluctantly placed one foot over the threshold. He stepped further into the room and took a seat at the table with Rimmer. The music continued to play and Rimmer continued to sing. The twinkling lights around them were bathing the bridge in green and red light and it seemed that even Lister was becoming more interested in the party preparations.

From his vantage point on the ceiling of the bridge, Holly looked on with keen interest. No one on board this ancient ship had celebrated Christmas for three million years or more and the sight of the brilliant lights and decorations was pleasing to him. In times gone bye, the entire ship would have been decorated with the colourful joy of Christmas and minimal though Rimmer’s efforts were, any type of celebration was better than nothing. It had been so long since Holly had played the music from every speaker on the bridge and he hoped that this jesture of festive cheer would be enough to cheer Lister’s mood. He had to do something to make the human happy after all. He had seen the tole that being the last surviving human in existence was taking on Lister. He was surprised that Rimmer of all people had agreed to assist Holly in the celebration of Christmas, and he wondered why Rimmer had decided to do it. Why had Rimmer agreed to offer Lister any help at all? The two didn’t at all get on. But for the moment, Holly wasn’t concerned with the reasons for Rimmer’s actions. It appeared that Rimmer’s insistence on celebrating Christmas was beginning to work. That was all that mattered. Holly hoped that the party would cheer Lister further. After all, no one could resist a party, not even people who were forced to spend Christmas stuck in deep space.

‘Makes you think, doesn’t it,’ Holly said to himself, ‘millions of miles away from Earth, people are still celebrating Christmas. That’s good, init.’


End file.
